As an 11 year old I was bullied, I was called things like “keg legs” and “tree trunk thighs” and this continued through my early years of high school.

At the age of 17 I started modelling; I did a lot of promotional work for big companies and events.

Sounds glamorous right?

Well, reality is I ended up with an eating disorder like many other teens. Bulimia said hello to me numerous times over many years, and I supplemented this with binge eating.

When it came to my body, restrictive eating and obsessive controlling thoughts were at the top of the list.  – Not so glamorous…

With my life still unsteadily balancing on the edge of a cliff, I heavily partied my way in to my early twenties and after going through a traumatic break up I decided that I would shift gears again, finding a love for fitness.

As a personal trainer, I quickly got into fitness modelling, yet another excuse to control my eating and exercising.

Can you begin to see the deeper issues here?

What I see now is that I never felt enough as I was and on top of that, I didn’t really know who I was.

I was trying to use food and exercise to help complete me and give me comfort.

Even when I was at my leanest I still wasn’t happy.

I still wished for better abs or bigger shoulders or leaner legs.

Are we ever satisfied? 

Well I can tell you, perfection doesn’t exist ladies!

So then came the weight gain! And lots of it!

I had no problems getting in the gym, fitting in my meals and workouts, heck I even trained twice a day sometimes…

A few years on, I went from a fitness model weighing 58kgs to a very unhappy inflamed 74kgs woman, with a list of health issues to go with it.

All of this happening in a short 5 week period – the joy (or pain) of rebounding after restrictive dieting.

You can only imagine what this did to me mentally.

Depression, anxiety, panic attacks followed closely behind.

I had lost my identity, my body!

It was through this time I got back in touch with my spiritual side and started to enjoy things like yoga, meditation and journalling.

However It didn’t end there, I went on to study nutritional medicine which meant that I continued to trial and experiment with numerous diets over the years (vegan, vegetarian, keto, paleo) you name it, like a test dummy, I tried them all.

By this time I was almost 30 years old and I really hadn’t found a way to really love and accept myself as I was, nor was I really living my life.

So what changed? 

Well you could say I just had a shift on a deeper level, realising that this wasn’t actually living and that something had to change. I had spent so much time coaching others to have beautiful, healthy balanced lives yet I was struggling to fully accept myself.

Sure I had more days than not where I was content, but this wasn’t enough,

I wanted to be able to put my hand on my heart and say out loud, with absolute truth,

I love who I am. 

 …finally I can proudly say, I do this often!

Let’s get real here though – this change definitely didn’t happen overnight.

It took a heck of a lot of patience, working through frustration, tears (lots of tears), facing fears, hours of research and persistence to get here.

But it is possible. I am proof of it!

And guess what!

I can tell you it was all worth it!

I fell in love with me, the core of me.

I learnt who she was, who she was beyond her physical body.

Through this journey of self-discovery I learnt that I was far from alone. That there were so many women carrying their own BS stories around with them experiencing body hate and living from a place of unhappiness due to how they look and feel about themselves.

So now I proudly help empower and educate women like you to find their healthiest and happiest self.